


big fish theory

by yoonbot (iverins)



Category: Oh My Girl (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band), Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 97-line, Alternate Universe - College/University, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 11:35:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19375915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iverins/pseuds/yoonbot
Summary: If you fall down, pretend that you're dead!





	big fish theory

**Author's Note:**

> written for [the overpass - panic! at the disco](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rc_l-Fzt5l8)
> 
> thank you so much for running this event ♡ i love 97-line and was very happy to write this self-indulgent fic!!

**chris bang** says:  
[img_45768892]  
;)

 **jiho kim** is typing...

 **chris bang** says:  
SHIT  
WRONG PERSON  
I'M SO SORRY JIHO  
let's just pretend this never happened  
jesus christ there's no way to delete imessages is there

 **jiho kim** says:  
omg...  
chris who r u even sending dick pics to @ 10 in the morning  
chris?  
chrissssssss  
CHRIS

 

 

 

So, Mingyu finds out first. This _is not_ because Jiho's a bad secret keeper, like Yoobin accuses her of constantly. Besides the point but: in defense of her honor, there's a reason why Jiho's re-gifting Ponzi scheme every year during White Elephant turned out successful, right? Mingyu's just nosy.

Mingyu also just happens to be walking back to their brunch table from the bathroom when Jiho drops her phone in the panic of having a picture of someone's genitals pulled up in public _and_ in broad daylight, no less. Anyway, Mingyu – good for something other than lording the _I popped out of the womb six minutes before you, YOU do the dishes_ excuse over – catches it, squints at the image, and then goes loud enough for the next five tables to hear: "Is that a _dick?_ "

"It's Chris's," Jiho laments. Really nothing like seeing your seventh grade boyfriend, upward lilt, question mark intended's penis unintentionally in HD iPhone picture quality. As for the seventh grade boyfriend thing, she and Chris had been forced into seven minutes in heaven during church camp the summer before – which they spent the entirety of sitting on the opposite ends of the closet in complete silence – but regardless, it was the middle school equivalent of tying the knot. The next time they spoke was when Chris asked her for a moment at the end-of-the-year dance ten months later, where he told her over the new Taio Cruz banger flooding through the cafeteria that his entire family was moving to Australia. She thinks her seventh-grade self told him not to get jumped by a kangaroo instead of saying something nice like _we'll miss you here._ She also thinks she only bothered to write _HAGS_ in his yearbook with her new silver Sharpie.

"Chris Bang?" Mingyu echoes, like there are more Chrises out there from childhood that they know. Jiho gives him a pointed glance over her Nestea. They don't. "I think he's gonna be there at Jaehyun's tonight. Should I ask him about it?"

Jiho frowns. "No," she tells him as he picks up the tab. Ever since Mingyu's started part-timing at this fancy start-up, he's insisted on paying for everything and Jiho really can't tell if it's out of true kindness or a weird type of flex he's learned from his friend Minghao, who's an international student. "You're not even supposed to _know_ about it. That's like..." There's some kind of respect you have to maintain when your parents used to go to church together. Jiho even thinks that Chris's mom stopped by and gave her some homemade kimchi in a tupperware last year when she came all the way to visit. "Invading his privacy."

Mingyu presses two fingers to his temple before pointing them at her. "Twin telepathy," he says. "Gets 'em every time."

Jiho chugs the rest of her Nestea as Mingyu pushes his chair in. "Don't mention the dick," she counters with finality.

Mingyu sighs, a bit overdramatic. " _Fine._ "

 

 

 

"Hey," Mingyu starts conversationally when he catches Chris sitting at Jaehyun's dining table, "So penises, huh?"

Chris chokes on his beer and promptly turns red in the face. "Oh my god," he coughs out. "Did Jiho tell you?"

That's when Mingyu remembers: _Don't mention the dick._ Oops. "Twin telepathy?" he grins sheepishly.

"Oh my god," Chris repeats, groaning into his hand this time. "I'm not drunk enough for this," and then he stalks past Jaehyun into the kitchen again.

Jaehyun looks at where Mingyu's sitting at the dining table, alone now, and then back at where Chris went. "Why does he look even _more_ stressed than when he got here?" Chris is also the only one they know who's crazy enough to double major, in Music Composition and Electrical Engineering, no less. He also never drinks any sort of caffeine, does his laundry once a week, and never misses a lecture. None of them know how he's made it to senior year without passing out on his way to class.

Mingyu shrugs. "Jiho thinks he's seeing someone," he says. See, no mention of the dick. "She wants to figure out who."

"Oh," Jaehyun laughs. Jaehyun himself’s been in this on-again, off-again relationship with Seokmin – who was Mingyu's freshman year roommate along with Minghao – for the past three years out of a back-and-forth of genuine lifestyle incompatibility and finding each other incredibly physically hot. Mingyu's pretty sure they're on-again, but last year when they were on a break, Jaehyun dated Gyuri Jang, the Korean Culture Night coordinator, for two months after they'd starred in the play together. Gyuri's now in this poly relationship with Saerom Lee and Hayoung Song, so that just shows how well things between her and Jaehyun worked out. Golden Boy in the streets, freak in the sheets. _Anyway,_ Mingyu's saying – "Maybe you can ask BamBam about it."

"Right!" Mingyu _a-ha's._ "BamBam." They used to live on the same floor back in the dorms. Now that Mingyu's thinking about it, BamBam still owes him twenty bucks for pizza from sophomore year.

Jaehyun grins into the lip of his beer can. "Thank me by letting me do your taxes when you're a techie big-shot in five years."

 

 

 

Yoobin is staunch about her decision. "Please don't show me the dick pic, Jiho," she tells her again.

"You need it for the full experience," Jiho protests, trying to slide her phone across the table. Yoobin, without breaking eye contact with Jiho, slides it right back. Jiho huffs. "How do you think _I_ felt? The shock value!"

Yoobin laughs at that. "Isn't this more about how Chris feels?" She and Jiho went to the same high school after Chris moved, so she only knew him peripherally from their mutual friend group and Instagram, where he'd post every once in a blue moon. Usually pictures of his shirtless back. She and Jiho also never actually talked until last year, when they'd been stuck in the same Gen Ed class as the only two upperclassmen, and they ditched discussion every Friday morning to bitch about the excessive workload over coffee. The coffee tradition's just carried over until now. Jiho thinks they're friends, sort of. Mingyu thinks she has a colossal crush on Yoobin. _Also_ sort of. "Should you really be telling me this story at all?"

Jiho sticks out her tongue. Yoobin has a point. "Aren't you curious about who he's seeing?" she sighs, feeling defeated.

"No," Yoobin says, honest. Jiho makes a face from where she's leaned over so her chin is propped up on the table. "But I can ask Minkyung and Kyungwon about it if you want."

Jiho visibly brightens. Minkyung and Kyungwon are Yoobin's flatmates who've been going out since freshman year – Minkyung always seems to keep tabs on everyone, and Kyungwon's recently reached the stage in her tattoo artist apprenticeship where she can give other people tattoos ("Don't look too much at her right thigh," Minkyung told Jiho the last time they all met up. "Those were her practice ones from last year that she's insecure about"). "Thank you!" she says in the sweetest voice she can muster.

It's Yoobin's turn to make a face. And then she thinks about it. "Can you imagine if he was one letter off and sent it to Jihyo instead?" Jihyo was their undergrad student council president, possible class valedictorian, and resident campus god. Legend has it that she's even got the Dean wrapped around her pinky.

Jiho stops with her incessant aegyo and laughs so hard that half the coffee shop turns their heads to glare.

 

 

 

BamBam's a frat bro. Half the time he uses slang so new that Mingyu has to search it up on Urban Dictionary, sports the same haircut as the rest of his fraternity, and walks around with a penny board tucked under one arm and a shaker water bottle in the other. BamBam also eats at this Thai restaurant two blocks away from campus with Minnie, Lisa, and Lisa's friend Rosie, who's an international student from Melbourne, every Thursday apparently, and he laughs, slapping down an extra twenty to cover for Mingyu's meal when he brings up the pizza from sophomore year.

"What's BamBam's major?" Yoobin interrupts from where she's sitting on the floor of their studio apartment. Jiho, who's been sitting up on the couch using her knees ever since Mingyu came home, invited her over to study, or something like that. Jiho's also just been looking like a meerkat for the last fifteen minutes, anthropology textbook abandoned.

Jiho rolls her eyes and sinks back down at that. "Who cares," she shrugs, bitter. Mingyu knows it's out of spite from when BamBam threw up on her new sneakers at their first college party.

But anyway, BamBam and Chris roomed together until last year, when Chris became an RA. Now – "Wasn't he dating Woojin?" Lisa asks when Mingyu brings it up.

BamBam shakes his head. "That was four months ago."

Minnie, who's the RA for the floor above Chris's, tilts her head. "That's so weird. Felix Lee – he's one of Chris's residents – said that he wanted to file a noise complaint about this couple that kept going at it down the hall, except he realized it was Chris." She taps her chin. "I'm _pretty sure_ that was less than a week ago."

Rosie cracks up at that. "Damn," BamBam deflates. "He didn't even _tell me._ "

"Maybe they're friends with benefits," Lisa suggests. Minnie shrugs. "Anyway, poor Felix."

So: "Woojin," is all Jiho manages to latch onto. "I can talk to Woojin about it."

Mingyu pauses mid-chew, mouth open so that both her and Yoobin can see the pieces of disintegrating toast on his tongue. "Don't you think at this point we should just forget about it?" he asks.

" _You_ saw the pic, too," Jiho reminds him. "It's kind of unforgettable." It's actually been so bad that Jiho's gone out of her way to avoid Chris any chance she gets. It only took her a week to realize that he's been kindly returning the favor. "And think about the floor of freshies he's tainting!"

"I'm pretty sure they're just as bad," Yoobin points out. Mingyu nods emphatically in agreement. "Some first years fuck like _rabbits._ "

Mingyu throws up his hands in surrender. "You know what, he'll tell us when he tells us. I feel like we've talked about Chris's dick way too much over the past week to be normal."

"You were the one who gave it an eight out of ten!" Jiho calls after him.

Yoobin looks at both of them like she's suddenly realized she’s been talking to aliens this entire time. "You guys looked at it more than _once?_ "

 

 

 

Jiho knows Woojin from every summer since eleventh grade, when they worked jobs at the same food court stall in the KTown Galleria and Jiho went home every night with the smell of _galbi_ clinging to her hair. Besides grunting orders to each other, they never talked, but Jiho was pretty sure it was more out of a kindred antisocial need to hibernate from human interaction over the summer in order to become fully charged for the interpersonal bullshit that usually went down during the school year. That, or Woojin silently hated her guts, which – out of self-preservation – Jiho started warily hating his for no reason, too.

Jiho also knows that Woojin now works the graveyard shift at the library front desk, which is where she bombards him at one in the morning with a, "I know you and Chris aren't together anymore, but I think he's banging someone else now and I'm just wondering if you know who that is?"

Woojin uses his index finger as a placeholder and closes his book. "Hi, Jiho."

"Hi," she replies. She quirks an eyebrow at him, a silent repeat of the matter at hand.

Woojin sighs. "Are you interested in Chris, or something?" He starts shuffling around his things for something to mark his page.

"No!" Jiho says reflexively. Woojin gives her a look. "Okay," she starts conspiratorially, leaning over the counter. "He sent me a dick pic meant for someone else, and now I just need to know _who_."

Woojin lets his place in his book go to claps his hands together in laughter. "Why is that the most Chris thing I've ever heard," he says in between gasping for breath.

" _I know,_ " Jiho groans. "Like, isn't that what Snapchat's for nowadays? Texts are forever."

"God," Woojin says once his laughter's petered out into a wide grin. "That's horrible. Sorry though, I really can't help you with anything."

Jiho leans further over the counter. "Woojin, _please!_ "

He shrugs. "Me and Chris haven't talked much since the break-up. We're friendly, yeah, but he's not going to just start telling me about who he's fucking now, you know?" When he sees Jiho's disappointed face he sighs again. "Would you?"

There's a pause where Jiho has to think about it. "Oh my god, you would, huh," Woojin concludes.

" _Hey,_ " Jiho interjects. "That's not the point here. The point here is – "

Woojin shakes his head. "You know, if it's bothering you _that much,_ maybe you should just ask him yourself, Jiho."

Jiho holds up her arms in an x. "Nope. _Nuh-uh._ Out of the question." After the dick pic, Jiho's convinced that she and Chris will both die of embarrassment if they ever lock eyes, like Medusa looking into a mirror.

"Well," Woojin concludes, flipping through his book again. "Maybe you just have to ask better ones, then."

 

 

 

Here's the thing: if person A is the only one trying hard to avoid person B, person B continues their normal daily routine while A bends over backwards trying not to disturb it. If both person A _and_ person B are trying to avoid each other simultaneously, that's where everything gets complicated, and then A and B end up running into each other in the apparel section of the student store that's usually overrun by parents and visitors.

Jiho pretends to be super engrossed in finding her sweater size. "Jiho?" she hears Chris say. The toes of his worn-out Superstars are in her line of sight. _Dammit._

"Chris!" she says, as if she wasn't considering diving in between the racks two seconds ago. When she looks up, Chris looks like he's seriously considering the same thing.

"Hey," he smiles awkwardly. He's wearing khakis and he's almost half-forearm into the pockets. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

Jiho waits a beat too long with the reply. The unspoken addendum _since the dick pic_ passes between them, in the midst of a family debating over what jacket to get their nephew. God, this is awful. "Yeah," she manages to choke out.

"Look, I'm so sorry," Chris tells her, more to his palms than to her face. "About the..." He clears his throat before trying again. "The – "

Jiho holds up a hand. "Please don't say it," she cuts him off. There's a gaggle of what looks like elementary schoolers passing by them to the bathrooms.

" _Yeah,_ " Chris exhales, relieved. "Let's just forget it ever happened."

Jiho opens her mouth, about to agree when – "Wait," she says. "Before that, can I ask you something?"

Chris goes back to looking like he wants to become one with the sweaters on the rack. "Yeah?" he laughs, nervous.

"Who were you _supposed_ to send it to?"

Chris's ears turn tomato red immediately. "Um...Rosie?"

" _No way,_ " Jiho blurts out. "I mean, not like that! I mean, like Rosie, Rosie Park?" It was a poorly kept secret that everyone thought Rosie was ten-out-of-ten hot. Fifteen-out-of-ten when you factored in personality. Not like Chris wasn't or anything – well, not to Jiho – but. _Rosie Park._

"Yeah," Chris says a little sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "We're trying to keep it lowkey, you know? Things in our friend group can get a little..." He searches for the word. " _Noisy_  sometimes."

Jiho nods. "And thanks for not telling anyone about this," Chris continues. Jiho stops nodding. "I mean, except Mingyu. But he's your twin so how much can you _really_ hide from him anyway?" He laughs before clapping her on the shoulder. "But yeah, I really appreciate it."

"No problem," she smiles, stiff, while mentally ticking off how many people have peripherally heard about the issue. "What're friends for?"

"Oh fuck, I gotta run," Chris says, glancing at his phone for the time. "But I'll see you around, yeah?"

If before was awful, this might be even worse. "Sure," Jiho replies.

Well, shit. Maybe Yoobin _was_ right about her being bad at keeping secrets.

 

 

 

 **jiho kim** says:  
hey  
can u pls pretend u didnt hear about the dick pic i got from chris

 **chris bang** says:  
um  
jiho

 **jiho kim** says:  
FUCK

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/bewearer) // [cc](https://curiouscat.me/715creeks) (｡･･｡)


End file.
